When one is physically injured, our bodies go into shock. Then there is emotional injury...could it be our minds go into a mental shock? Could it be my mind has now recovered?
Not trusting ANYONE, my thought was, if I join online communities, I can stay, to an extent, anonymous. Through one site, I slowly became friends with people. Gaining their trust, as they gained mine. One in particular became extremely close. We IM'd almost constantly. To the point we left our messanger programs open 24/7. We know each other far too well, we can anticipate what the other is about to say, finish each others sentences, even type the identical words at the same time. No one told me, I just knew when he had met someone in real life. That's where the emotional injury came into play. He knew how much brutal honesty meant to me. I could make excuses for him, as I have until today...just a few moments ago. It's as if I were stunned and have now shaken it off. I'm not sure if I should be angry. And if I should be, should it be at him or at myself? His marraige had recently ended just a few months before we befriended each other. I cannot form an opinion on what caused that dissolution. I cannot seem to step away from it to have enough distance to keep my personal feelings from affecting it. Over the last 3 years(yes, it took most of my life)I've learned to trust my gut feelings. My gut says it was his lies. Whatever!LOL
For some insane reason, I felt a need to post a comment to him recently. Could it have been a thought in the back of my mind to make him squirm just a bit?
In my life, I have been many different people. No, I'm not psycho!LOL Not knowing any better/different, I use to be a very different person when I was young...the kind of person, not only would your mother have warned you about, but the authorities as well!LOL No, I wasn't nice by any means. Life was for my benefit, never considering anyone else. And it didn't bother me at all. That isn't to say I don't see things ever so differently now. I can only learn from what I've done in the past to become a better person. And I believe I have achieved that, finally! And there is always room for more personal growth.
My views are so black and white, so cut and dry. My life is a series of parities. If it were a movie, it would be under the classification of Comedy/Tragedy. IMO, it's good to be able to laugh at the events in my life...all of them.
I'm having my life permanently applied to my body. It will become a full bodysuit. I started it just a couple months ago. Back in a state that I had never, in a million years ever, thought I would consider living in again...but I'm moving there.
